Tag Archives: Planet Washington

Parodies

NSA Hacks Putin’s iPod: Putin on the Hits

vladimir_putin

Finally, something fun and/or useful from the National Security Agency (NSA) Evesdropping — tunes on Vlad Putin’s iPod:

10. ‘This Land is MY Land’                     9. ‘Back in the USSR’
8. ‘Crimea River’                                          7. ‘Tanks for the Memories’
6. ‘Why Can’t We Be Friends’                   5. Russian Army Sings ‘Close To You’
4. Ricky Martin, ‘Livin La Vida Loca’    3. ‘Swan Lake’ (the Black Swan)
2. Madonna, ‘Don’t Cry for Me Angela Merkel’

and Vlad’s #1 Fave: Pussy Riot’s Greatest Hits

 

Parodies

Sochi 2014 Olympics: Putin on the Ritz

The Olympics and Russia have had a difficult time over the years. In 1980, Moscow hosted the Summer Olympics only to have the US Boycott them because of the then-Soviet invasion of Afghanistan. Now that the US has concluded ITS invasion of Afghanistan, all is forgiven apparently as Russia (formerly Soviet Union) hosts the 2014 winter Olympics in Sochi. Where’s Sochi you ask? Don’t ask!

Sochi is a remote town in the Caucuses (where Caucasians come from) on the Black Sea. There’s lots to see and do besides freeze and drink vodka. In addition to new billion-dollar Olympic venues, it boasts an anciet cemetary AND Anton Checkov’s cottage!

But it wouldn’t be the Olympics (or Russia) without drama — Homosexual propaganda is outlawed in Russia. (This does NOT include President Putin’s frequent homoerotic shirtless appearances hunting, fishing, riding, and posing.)

Therefore, our natural tribute to Putin’s straight olympics is “Putin on the Ritz.” Written for the 1930 musical film of the same name, in which it was introduced by Harry Richman, it was originally about poor blacks in Harlem who “put on the Ritz”, or pretended to be affluent–a reference to the Ritz Hotel. When Fred Astaire sang it six years later, Berlin had changed the lyrics to pertain to affluent whites. It was featured to great comedic effect in Mel Brooks’ 1974 picture Young Frankenstein. And now, Vlad the Impaler.

Putin on the Ritz

If you ski, or skate or curl, or play hock-ey
Come to Sochi, and wear your mitts
Putin on the Ritz

Russian athletes are the best,
we’ll beat the homos from the West, all misfits
Putin on the Ritz

That’s where each and every commisar goes
Op’ning ceremony in their fur clothes
Rubbin’ elbows

Come let’s mix, where KGB agents walk with sticks
And AK’s in their mitts
Putin on the Ritz

If you’re blue, and you don’t know where to go to
(Y-M-C-A– is NOT an option)
Just go where Edward Snowden sits
Putin on the Ritz

Op’ning show will Putin buy it?
Chekov sung by Pussy Riot, all misfits
Putin on the Ritz

There’s a special place where pro-tes-ters go
Called Siberia – I hope they like snow, Frozen’ elbows

Come let’s mix, where cossacks do walk with sticks
And AK’s in their mitts
Putin on the Ritz! Putin on the Ritz! Putin on the Ritz!

—————
In Russia is 2 part system comrades –
Putin party and Going-away party!
———————

Parodies

Planet Washington Home Version For Snowbound!

There’s One-Stop Shopping — with a Smily Face.
Sam Walton started a variety store in 1945 with $5,000 savings and a $20,000 loan from his father in law. His children are now among the richest Americans listed each year by Forbes. Wal Mart stores stock everything, are everywhere, and are open 24/7. As the largest US private sector employer, a major buyer of everything, & major competitor, they are not without controversy. But one thing is for certain, all around Tom Friedman’s Flat World, American capitalism now has a little yellow smiley face on it.

United States of Wal-Mart
Parody of Under the Boardwalk by Ken Rynne
© 2005 Brighton Productions

When I need a shovel or a brand new suit of clothes,
There is one-stop shopping in a place that everybody knows.
I shop at Wal-mart, to buy my teddys, tools, or tires.
At the snack bar with my baby that’s where I’ll be.
I go to Wal-Mart, for shoes and socks,
I go to Wal-mart, for watches and clocks,
I go to Wal-mart, for crackers and cheese,
I go to Wal-Mart, for my BVDs,
I go to Wal-Mart, Wal-Mart.

When the plant shut down, they moved production overseas,
I got a job in sales, I sell imported clothes and cheap TVs.
I work at Wal-Mart, where I sell cameras and DVDs,
If it ain’t made in China well that’s news to me.
I go to Wal-Mart, to buy a phone,
I go to Wal-Mart, for a sub-prime loan,
I go to Wal-Mart, for a new backpack,
I go to Wal-Mart, for my Prozac,
I go to Wal-Mart, Wal-Mart.

When I fell behind they took my credit cards and house away,
I searched in vain for a decent place for me my dog and wife to stay.
Now I live at Wal-Mart, between the housewares and sporting goods,
Cookin’ breakfast on the Coleman, is where I’ll be.
I live at Wal-Mart, seven twenty-four,
I live at Wal-Mart, park right by the door,
I live at Wal-Mart, got a photo place,
I live at Wal-Mart, I wear a smiley face,
I live at Wal-Mart, Wal-mart!

www.PlanetWashington.com
when news breaks, we fix it

Parodies

Strange Bedfellows (a 100% Weiner-free story)

a href=”http://planetwashington.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/1375271902000-AP-Obama-McCain-1307310850_4_3.jpg”>

At a time when GOP presidential hopefuls attack each other publicly, House Dems wait and see as mid-term elections approach, and Senators filibuster changes to the filibuster, in the New Republic great praise is lavished upon President Obama by none other than Sen. John McCain (R-AZ), the GOP nominee who battled Obama in his first presidential campaign in 2008. The old saw “politics makes strange bed fellows” is truer now than ever – and it has nothing to do with DOMA, Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, or candidates for office in New York State.

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Parodies

Rand Paul, Chris Christie Battle for Soul of GOP

Well they began it! Well THEY began it!!
Dangerous libertarian! – Christie in Aspen
King of Bacon! – Tweeted Paul

Ouch! Public sniping by tweet and conference!
Acting like – like -like Democrats!!!
In a high-tech circular firing squad.

Commandment XI: Thou shalt not speak ill of a fellow Republican.
– The Dalai Ronald Reagan

Forgive them Father, er, Ron.

Parodies

Leaker Edward Snowden Tired of Living at Moscow Airport — No Cinnabon!

Airport Food Worse Than College. And NO Cinnabon!

*****************************************************************************

No Secrecy is One Thing. No Privacy, Quite Another!

*****************************************************************************

Russian Flight Attendants Look NOTHING Like Catherine Zeta-Jones.

*****************************************************************************

Welcome to First Class Comrade.

Parodies

On Gay Priests, Pope Francis Asks, ‘Who Am I to Judge?’

Westboro Baptist Church has announced they will are certainly ready to judge and will meet the Pope upon his return to Rome.

Parodies

Voting Rights, Shmoting Rights


A Tribute to the 5 Justices who invalidated Section 4 of the Voting Rights Act of 1965.
(We shall overcome parody)

We don’t need to vote, We won’t wait and vote
We’ll just shop at Walmart today
Oh, deep in your heart. You must believe
We don’t need to vote today

The last few elections went fine, The last few elections went fine
And everybody voted just fine
Oh, deep in your heart. You must believe
The last few elections all went just fine

Scalia’s got our back Scalia’s got our back
Bull Connor’s got our back today
Oh, deep in my heart. I do believe
It’s time to organize today.

PLANET WASHINGTON when news breaks, we fix it
TV: July 11, Arch Campbell Show, Ch. 8 DC
Live show: July 13, Westin, 1400 M St NW DC 20005 www.planetwashington.com

Funny Stuff Parody

Scalia’s Lament “No More DOMA” (methinks he doth protest too much)

NO MORE DOMA. For some reason, Justice Scalia took the overturning on the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) very very personally, as illustrated in his lament, Nessun Dorma (“No More DOMA.”) Imagine the dilemma for lovers who once protested, “You know I’d marry you if only it were legal!” The opera is best appreciated when sung in Italian with English subtitles (as we will perform it July 13 in DC)

Justices Scalia and Thomas in happier times

(CNN on-the-fly English Translation of “No More DOMA”)
No More DOMA, No More DOMA
Even you, O Clarence,
in your chambers cold
that tremble with love and with beard.

But my secret is hidden within me,
my name no one shall know…
No!…No!…
On your silent mouth I will tell it.
And my kiss will reveal the love that dare not speak its name…
(No one will know his name and we must, alas, demur.)
Vanish, O beard!
Circuit cases! Circuit cases!
On appeal,
I will win! I will win! I will win!

Original Italian
Nessun dorma, Nessun dorma
Tu pure, o, Principessa,
nella tua fredda stanza,
guardi le stelle
che tremano d’amore
e di speranza.
Ma il mio mistero è chiuso in me,
il nome mio nessun saprà!
No, no, sulla tua bocca lo dirò
quando la luce splenderà!
Ed il mio bacio scioglierà il silenzio
che ti fa mia!
(Il nome suo nessun saprà!…
e noi dovrem, ahime, morir!)
Dilegua, o notte!
Tramontate, stelle!
Tramontate, stelle!
All’alba vincerò!
vincerò, vincerò!

PLANET WASHINGTON when news breaks, we fix it.
Hear Ken Rynne, comedian and lyric tenor, live February 13 at The Westin 1400 M Street NW Washington, DC. www.planetwashington.com Ciao!

Parodies

Scalia's Lament "No More DOMA" (methinks he doth protest too much)

NO MORE DOMA. For some reason, Justice Scalia took the overturning on the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) very very personally, as illustrated in his lament, Nessun Dorma (“No More DOMA.”) Imagine the dilemma for lovers who once protested, “You know I’d marry you if only it were legal!” The opera is best appreciated when sung in Italian with English subtitles (as we will perform it July 13 in DC)

Justices Scalia and Thomas in happier times

(CNN on-the-fly English Translation of “No More DOMA”)
No More DOMA, No More DOMA
Even you, O Clarence,
in your chambers cold
that tremble with love and with beard.

But my secret is hidden within me,
my name no one shall know…
No!…No!…
On your silent mouth I will tell it.
And my kiss will reveal the love that dare not speak its name…
(No one will know his name and we must, alas, demur.)
Vanish, O beard!
Circuit cases! Circuit cases!
On appeal,
I will win! I will win! I will win!

Original Italian
Nessun dorma, Nessun dorma
Tu pure, o, Principessa,
nella tua fredda stanza,
guardi le stelle
che tremano d’amore
e di speranza.
Ma il mio mistero è chiuso in me,
il nome mio nessun saprà!
No, no, sulla tua bocca lo dirò
quando la luce splenderà!
Ed il mio bacio scioglierà il silenzio
che ti fa mia!
(Il nome suo nessun saprà!…
e noi dovrem, ahime, morir!)
Dilegua, o notte!
Tramontate, stelle!
Tramontate, stelle!
All’alba vincerò!
vincerò, vincerò!

PLANET WASHINGTON when news breaks, we fix it.
Hear Ken Rynne, comedian and lyric tenor, live February 13 at The Westin 1400 M Street NW Washington, DC. www.planetwashington.com Ciao!