Tag Archives: bp

Parodies

33 Chilean Gold Miners Rescued! Crowds Amazed as 34th Emerges – bin Laden! DC's Golddiggers the Salahis Join Welcoming Crowd

The world rejoiced as 33 miners trapped over a mile underground in a Chilean gold mine for 69 days – longer than anyone has survived below ground – emerged one-by-one to be greeted by weeping children, wives, fellow workers, The President and First Lady of Chile, their mistresses, known and unknown, media crews from everywhere including North Korea, al Jazeera, and DC’s peripatetic partiers and media hounds The Salahis.

Crowds were astonished to find – after the 33 miners emerged – that the winch signifying that the rescue pod Phoenix II started again its slow and steady pace – and out popped a 34th miner – Osama bin Laden with a new audio tape, ‘Goldladen.’

Reality TV worth watching — much better than the failed BP Spill in the US last season.

Oakley sunglasses won a product placement award for having each miner don its product as they emerged.

George W Bush won the Where’s Waldo award as he greeted the miners with a warm “Mission Accomplished” and a back slap, for confusing the Chilean flag for that of his adopted state of Texas )as any Texan will tell you, he was born in New Haven, CT).

Lou Dobbs was runner-up for welcoming the 33 back to work on his horse farm greeting each with a “Mi yama es Luis” in his rich baritone.

Media outlets filled the hours between rescues with innane commentary on US mine disasters. Consistent with American news outlets, which specialize in political horse races and eschew issues, like how to reemploy millions out of work, nothing was learned bout Chile, its people, its history, American relations with, or the fact that it produces 55% of the world’s copper, or other facts about the nation or continent. But viewers of MSNBSC did get to hear quite a bit from two guys who spent 3 days underground once – Lawrence O’Donnell preferred to count the time in hours – 72 – although the count in minutes and seconds I am told is even more impressive. “Yeah, Lawrence, we got out, went home, took a shower, and went to bed.” “Did a little minin’ with the missus if you catch ma’ drift.” All I can say is, “thank you for that authentic frontier gibberish”. -Mel Brooks. GOP Ad makers in W VA were looking for these guests to star in their next attack ad.

There has not been such excitement about trapped minors since Roman Polanski’s pool party! (rim-shot!)
Good night everybody!

Reality TV worth watching.

We’ll be at Harriet’s in DC, Friday Night 8:30

Funny Stuff

33 Chilean Gold Miners Rescued! Crowds Amazed as 34th Emerges – bin Laden! DC’s Golddiggers the Salahis Join Welcoming Crowd

The world rejoiced as 33 miners trapped over a mile underground in a Chilean gold mine for 69 days – longer than anyone has survived below ground – emerged one-by-one to be greeted by weeping children, wives, fellow workers, The President and First Lady of Chile, their mistresses, known and unknown, media crews from everywhere including North Korea, al Jazeera, and DC’s peripatetic partiers and media hounds The Salahis.

Crowds were astonished to find – after the 33 miners emerged – that the winch signifying that the rescue pod Phoenix II started again its slow and steady pace – and out popped a 34th miner – Osama bin Laden with a new audio tape, ‘Goldladen.’

Reality TV worth watching — much better than the failed BP Spill in the US last season.

Oakley sunglasses won a product placement award for having each miner don its product as they emerged.

George W Bush won the Where’s Waldo award as he greeted the miners with a warm “Mission Accomplished” and a back slap, for confusing the Chilean flag for that of his adopted state of Texas )as any Texan will tell you, he was born in New Haven, CT).

Lou Dobbs was runner-up for welcoming the 33 back to work on his horse farm greeting each with a “Mi yama es Luis” in his rich baritone.

Media outlets filled the hours between rescues with innane commentary on US mine disasters. Consistent with American news outlets, which specialize in political horse races and eschew issues, like how to reemploy millions out of work, nothing was learned bout Chile, its people, its history, American relations with, or the fact that it produces 55% of the world’s copper, or other facts about the nation or continent. But viewers of MSNBSC did get to hear quite a bit from two guys who spent 3 days underground once – Lawrence O’Donnell preferred to count the time in hours – 72 – although the count in minutes and seconds I am told is even more impressive. “Yeah, Lawrence, we got out, went home, took a shower, and went to bed.” “Did a little minin’ with the missus if you catch ma’ drift.” All I can say is, “thank you for that authentic frontier gibberish”. -Mel Brooks. GOP Ad makers in W VA were looking for these guests to star in their next attack ad.

There has not been such excitement about trapped minors since Roman Polanski’s pool party! (rim-shot!)
Good night everybody!

Reality TV worth watching.

We’ll be at Harriet’s in DC, Friday Night 8:30

Parodies

The Heat Is On!!! (1) Stay Hydrated (2) Check Your Unit (3) Repeat

h
Public Service Announcement
With record high temps in the Eastern US, PLANET WASHINGTON reminds readers to stay “hydrated” or as we used to say back in the simpler 20th Century, “drink lots o’ water.”
BP: And speaking of the total costs of our energy choices, our blessed A/C is powered this weekend 50% by coal, 40% nuke, 9% hydro, wind, solar and other renewables…
…and 1% by lobbyists ripping up proposed environmental regulations.
So, how efficient is your unit? (If that is not getting too personal?)

Parodies

The Peasants ARE Revolting

Foot In Mouth – Part Deux

And just as one “ker-fuffle” was dying down after BP’s chief Executive Officer – in a rather aristocratic British accent (like Geico’s Gekko actually, “save money?”) said he “wanted to get his life back.”  Just as that was dying down, did you hear what happened yesterday?

 Yesterday, his boss, BP’s Chairman Carl-Henric Svanberg – apparently a Norwegian who sounds curiously like Major (“Papers Please!!!) Strasser from Casablanca – trying to assure Gulf residents said that even though BP’s corporatuon is bigger than yours! – that BP “cares about —–[wait for it] SMALL PEOPLE.”   Ouch! 

Late last night Herr Svanberg issued an explanation from his limo as he arrived at his suite high atop at the Helmsley Palace! (where only little people pay taxes) Lighten up!  Have a herring…packed in oil. Oh sheist! not again!!!

Finally, BP has announced it will distribute $20 Billion to SMALL PEOPLE. 

In a related item, there has been another incident at City Hall as PLANET WASHINGTON’S Ken Rynne and accompanist Frank Plumer  tried  to legally change their corporate name to “The Lollipop Guild”  (music)  

[Paul Williams too dated.  Gary Coleman too soon.]

Funny Stuff

“Ask not what your country can do for BP”

President Obama Invokes JFK Space Challenge 

President Obama gave his first Oval Office address to the nation last night.  About the BP Oil Spill – our worst environmental disaster since, well, … the Reagan Administration.   Aides invoked memories of FDR after Pearl Harbor      and JFK’s launch of the space program after Sputnik.

But critics say his speech fell flat – paraphrasing JFK’s rallying speech: 

“I believe that this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of stopping the BP oil leak and returning the ocean safely to earth.”  

That will undoubtedly appear in the upcoming Obama biography Volume 7: “Profiles in Caution”  

(I know – that WAS pretty “audacious” of me)

 

Parodies

"Ask not what your country can do for BP"

President Obama Invokes JFK Space Challenge 

President Obama gave his first Oval Office address to the nation last night.  About the BP Oil Spill – our worst environmental disaster since, well, … the Reagan Administration.   Aides invoked memories of FDR after Pearl Harbor      and JFK’s launch of the space program after Sputnik.

But critics say his speech fell flat – paraphrasing JFK’s rallying speech:

“I believe that this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of stopping the BP oil leak and returning the ocean safely to earth.”  

That will undoubtedly appear in the upcoming Obama biography Volume 7: “Profiles in Caution”

(I know – that WAS pretty “audacious” of me)