Sochi 2014 Olympics: Putin on the Ritz

The Olympics and Russia have had a difficult time over the years. In 1980, Moscow hosted the Summer Olympics only to have the US Boycott them because of the then-Soviet invasion of Afghanistan. Now that the US has concluded ITS invasion of Afghanistan, all is forgiven apparently as Russia (formerly Soviet Union) hosts the 2014 winter Olympics in Sochi. Where’s Sochi you ask? Don’t ask!

Sochi is a remote town in the Caucuses (where Caucasians come from) on the Black Sea. There’s lots to see and do besides freeze and drink vodka. In addition to new billion-dollar Olympic venues, it boasts an anciet cemetary AND Anton Checkov’s cottage!

But it wouldn’t be the Olympics (or Russia) without drama — Homosexual propaganda is outlawed in Russia. (This does NOT include President Putin’s frequent homoerotic shirtless appearances hunting, fishing, riding, and posing.)

Therefore, our natural tribute to Putin’s straight olympics is “Putin on the Ritz.” Written for the 1930 musical film of the same name, in which it was introduced by Harry Richman, it was originally about poor blacks in Harlem who “put on the Ritz”, or pretended to be affluent–a reference to the Ritz Hotel. When Fred Astaire sang it six years later, Berlin had changed the lyrics to pertain to affluent whites. It was featured to great comedic effect in Mel Brooks’ 1974 picture Young Frankenstein. And now, Vlad the Impaler.

Putin on the Ritz

If you ski, or skate or curl, or play hock-ey
Come to Sochi, and wear your mitts
Putin on the Ritz

Russian athletes are the best,
we’ll beat the homos from the West, all misfits
Putin on the Ritz

That’s where each and every commisar goes
Op’ning ceremony in their fur clothes
Rubbin’ elbows

Come let’s mix, where KGB agents walk with sticks
And AK’s in their mitts
Putin on the Ritz

If you’re blue, and you don’t know where to go to
(Y-M-C-A– is NOT an option)
Just go where Edward Snowden sits
Putin on the Ritz

Op’ning show will Putin buy it?
Chekov sung by Pussy Riot, all misfits
Putin on the Ritz

There’s a special place where pro-tes-ters go
Called Siberia – I hope they like snow, Frozen’ elbows

Come let’s mix, where cossacks do walk with sticks
And AK’s in their mitts
Putin on the Ritz! Putin on the Ritz! Putin on the Ritz!

In Russia is 2 part system comrades –
Putin party and Going-away party!

Planet Washington Home Version For Snowbound!

There’s One-Stop Shopping — with a Smily Face.
Sam Walton started a variety store in 1945 with $5,000 savings and a $20,000 loan from his father in law. His children are now among the richest Americans listed each year by Forbes. Wal Mart stores stock everything, are everywhere, and are open 24/7. As the largest US private sector employer, a major buyer of everything, & major competitor, they are not without controversy. But one thing is for certain, all around Tom Friedman’s Flat World, American capitalism now has a little yellow smiley face on it.

United States of Wal-Mart
Parody of Under the Boardwalk by Ken Rynne
© 2005 Brighton Productions

When I need a shovel or a brand new suit of clothes,
There is one-stop shopping in a place that everybody knows.
I shop at Wal-mart, to buy my teddys, tools, or tires.
At the snack bar with my baby that’s where I’ll be.
I go to Wal-Mart, for shoes and socks,
I go to Wal-mart, for watches and clocks,
I go to Wal-mart, for crackers and cheese,
I go to Wal-Mart, for my BVDs,
I go to Wal-Mart, Wal-Mart.

When the plant shut down, they moved production overseas,
I got a job in sales, I sell imported clothes and cheap TVs.
I work at Wal-Mart, where I sell cameras and DVDs,
If it ain’t made in China well that’s news to me.
I go to Wal-Mart, to buy a phone,
I go to Wal-Mart, for a sub-prime loan,
I go to Wal-Mart, for a new backpack,
I go to Wal-Mart, for my Prozac,
I go to Wal-Mart, Wal-Mart.

When I fell behind they took my credit cards and house away,
I searched in vain for a decent place for me my dog and wife to stay.
Now I live at Wal-Mart, between the housewares and sporting goods,
Cookin’ breakfast on the Coleman, is where I’ll be.
I live at Wal-Mart, seven twenty-four,
I live at Wal-Mart, park right by the door,
I live at Wal-Mart, got a photo place,
I live at Wal-Mart, I wear a smiley face,
I live at Wal-Mart, Wal-mart!
when news breaks, we fix it

Ken Rynne’s New Jeers for the New Year — January 18 — at a new location! The Beacon Hotel!

Catch the Laughs Saturday Night!

Gut-Busting, Politician-Skewering
At a NEW Boutique Location
The Beacon Hotel, 1615 Rhode Island Ave
Washington, DC 20036

Don’t miss a unique evening of hilarious musical social satire & riotous political spoofs, performed by former Hill Staffer and Capitol Step the irreverent Ken Rynne and dynamic keyboard sidekick Frank Plumer.

Cabaret Setting – Drink & Eat, Laugh & Repeat!

“If laughter is still the best medicine, Ken Rynne is a one-man Mayo Clinic.” – PBS NewsHour’s MARK SHIELDS

“Funny! Pithy! And you have a better piano player than I do.” – MARK RUSSELL

Political Satire in the Tradition of Mark Russell, The Capitol Steps, & Ben Bernanke


Saturday, November 2, 7:30 PM, The Westin, 1400 M Street NW DC. 20004 $20.  Tickets in advance: (GOLDSTAR SOLD OUT) OR  (Pay Paypal account of (STILL AVAILABLE).

Or call 202 360 5056.


Irreverent Capitol staffer and former Capitol Step KEN RYNNE with accompanist and sidekick Frank Plumer spoof Washington, Walmart, & whatever’s news in 90 hilarious minutes of laughs and music!  When news breaks, we fix it!

“If laughter is still the best medicine, Ken Rynne is a one-man Mayo Clinic.” – PBS NewsHour’s MARK SHIELDS * * * “Funny! Pithy! And you have a better piano player than I do.” – MARK RUSSELL * * * “Still as funny as he was growing up in Boston – wicked funny!” – BOB MADIGAN, WTOP

Strange Bedfellows (a 100% Weiner-free story)

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At a time when GOP presidential hopefuls attack each other publicly, House Dems wait and see as mid-term elections approach, and Senators filibuster changes to the filibuster, in the New Republic great praise is lavished upon President Obama by none other than Sen. John McCain (R-AZ), the GOP nominee who battled Obama in his first presidential campaign in 2008. The old saw “politics makes strange bed fellows” is truer now than ever – and it has nothing to do with DOMA, Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, or candidates for office in New York State.


Rand Paul, Chris Christie Battle for Soul of GOP

Well they began it! Well THEY began it!!
Dangerous libertarian! – Christie in Aspen
King of Bacon! – Tweeted Paul

Ouch! Public sniping by tweet and conference!
Acting like – like -like Democrats!!!
In a high-tech circular firing squad.

Commandment XI: Thou shalt not speak ill of a fellow Republican.
– The Dalai Ronald Reagan

Forgive them Father, er, Ron.

Leaker Edward Snowden Tired of Living at Moscow Airport — No Cinnabon!

Airport Food Worse Than College. And NO Cinnabon!


No Secrecy is One Thing. No Privacy, Quite Another!


Russian Flight Attendants Look NOTHING Like Catherine Zeta-Jones.


Welcome to First Class Comrade.

On Gay Priests, Pope Francis Asks, ‘Who Am I to Judge?’

Westboro Baptist Church has announced they will are certainly ready to judge and will meet the Pope upon his return to Rome.

Planet Washington’s Ken Rynne on Arch Campbell Show |

DC Funnyman Ken Rynne of PLANET WASHINGTON has fun with legendary arts critic Arch Campbell — Interview and Ask Arch (viewer mail) segments.
View video:
Arch Campbell Show 7-11-13 – Arch Campbell Show |

Need a laugh? Planet Washington’s Got Plenty of ‘em. October 5 & November 2

Planet Washington presents Every Day is April Fool’s in Washington, their latest gut-busting, politician-skewering show. It’s an evening of witty, topical and musical social satire, performed by former Hill staffer and Capitol Steps performer Ken Rynne and keyboard sidekick Frank Plumer.

The show features musical political comedy in the tradition of the Capitol Steps and Mark Russell, but also featuring audience participation, improv and family-friendly fun. Russell is already a fan. And after watching Planet Washington, you’re bound to be too.

“Great show! Potent! Pithy! Funny! And you have a better piano player than I do!”Mark Russell

“If laughter is the best medicine, Ken Rynne is a one-man Mayo Clinic!” –PBS NewsHour

“If you think that inside the Beltway sometimes is a planet unto itself, this show is for you.” –Boston Globe

Fun & Funny! He’s been funny since he was a kid growing up in Boston! - Bob Madigan, WTOP
Today, He’s Mark Russell on Steroids!
An Irish Tenor Jon Stewart.

Next Scheduled Shows:
Sat, October 5 @ 7:30pm; Sat, November 2 @ 7:30pm
@ their regular monthly cabaret
The Westin Washington, D.C. City Center
2d Floor Fireplace Room
1400 M Street NW
Washington, DC 20005

OR CALL TOM @ 202 360 5056 —– TICKETS @ THE DOOR