Category Archives: Funny Stuff


Funny Stuff Parody

Scalia’s Lament “No More DOMA” (methinks he doth protest too much)

NO MORE DOMA. For some reason, Justice Scalia took the overturning on the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) very very personally, as illustrated in his lament, Nessun Dorma (“No More DOMA.”) Imagine the dilemma for lovers who once protested, “You know I’d marry you if only it were legal!” The opera is best appreciated when sung in Italian with English subtitles (as we will perform it July 13 in DC)

Justices Scalia and Thomas in happier times

(CNN on-the-fly English Translation of “No More DOMA”)
No More DOMA, No More DOMA
Even you, O Clarence,
in your chambers cold
that tremble with love and with beard.

But my secret is hidden within me,
my name no one shall know…
On your silent mouth I will tell it.
And my kiss will reveal the love that dare not speak its name…
(No one will know his name and we must, alas, demur.)
Vanish, O beard!
Circuit cases! Circuit cases!
On appeal,
I will win! I will win! I will win!

Original Italian
Nessun dorma, Nessun dorma
Tu pure, o, Principessa,
nella tua fredda stanza,
guardi le stelle
che tremano d’amore
e di speranza.
Ma il mio mistero è chiuso in me,
il nome mio nessun saprà!
No, no, sulla tua bocca lo dirò
quando la luce splenderà!
Ed il mio bacio scioglierà il silenzio
che ti fa mia!
(Il nome suo nessun saprà!…
e noi dovrem, ahime, morir!)
Dilegua, o notte!
Tramontate, stelle!
Tramontate, stelle!
All’alba vincerò!
vincerò, vincerò!

PLANET WASHINGTON when news breaks, we fix it.
Hear Ken Rynne, comedian and lyric tenor, live February 13 at The Westin 1400 M Street NW Washington, DC. Ciao!

Funny Stuff

Where’s Snowden?

BREAKING NEWS: US Intelligence sources believe they have located the whereabouts of fugitive Edward Snowden — a cave in Afghanistan.

Funny Stuff Upcoming Shows

NRA’s LaPierre Applauds Model Korean School Security

When news breaks, we fix it.

Planet Washington Monthly Live Show!
Saturday, April 20, 7:30 pm.
The 2d Floor Fireplace Room
The Westin
1400 M St NW DC 20005
$20 at the door/in advance

Audience Reactions Audio mp3 Funny Stuff

WTOP’s Bob Madigan: Sometimes Washington Seems Like Another Planet

Bob Madigan, WTOP’s Man About Town dropped in to PLANET WASHINGTOPN’s show Saturday Night and liked what he heard! His great report aired 3/10/13, and is on WTOP’s web site and is attached here. WTOP Bob Madigan’s Report

Funny Stuff Parody Upcoming Shows

Obama Wines & Dines GOP Senators (But will he get lucky?) Vietnam POW McCain Defends Jane Fonda! Can You Feel The LOvE ?

(Planet Washington) – When News Breaks, We Fix It. The President has launched a charm offensive with the help of McCain Amigo Lindsay Graham taking no fewer than 11 GOP Senators to dinner at DC’s posh Jefferson Hotel. Will POTUS score? On the first date – unlikely.

Meanwhile, as Rand Paul did his best Jimmy Stewart imitation filibustering the CIA Director’s nomination on the Senate floor for over 10 hours, he invoked the image of Vietnam war protestor and bete noir of Vietnam vets Jane Fonda — which brought none other than uber vet and POW John McCain to the floor TO DEFEND FONDA! It’s Madness! March Madness!

Will All This LOvE Change Gotham, er, Washington?

Saturday night, Planet Washington celebrates this madness with a special parody of — Can You Feel The LOvE Tonight? Planet Washington with Ken Rynne Live! The Westin, 1400 M St NW DC 20005 (2d Floor Fireplace Lounge). Ninety minutes of fun, wicked funny parodies, music, and more. $20

CDs & Gift Shop Funny Stuff

New in our Gift Shop! The Beast. The Presidential Limo That Thinks It’s A Tank

New in our Gift Shop! The perfect souvenir of your trip to Planet Washington: ‘The Beast.’ The Presidential state car is the official state car used by the President of the United States. The most recent vehicle to be customized as the presidential car is a Chevrolet Kodiak-based, Cadillac-badged limousine often referred to as Cadillac One and occasionally as Limo One (a reference to the U.S. presidential aircraft, Air Force One) or as The Beast.

The 2009 limousine makes its debut in the 2009 inaugural parade, guarded by Secret Service agents. On both domestic and foreign trips, the limousine is transported in a C-17 Globemaster III (sold separately).

According to the manufacturer, General Motors, the 2009 presidential limousine, based on the Cadillac DTS, is the first not to carry a specific model name. The vehicle’s outward appearance carries many current Cadillac styling themes, but does not resemble any particular production vehicle. The body itself seems to be a modification of the immediately previous DTS-badged Presidential limousines, but the vehicle’s chassis and driveline are sourced from the Chevrolet Kodiak commercial truck. Many body components are sourced from a variety of Cadillac vehicles; for example, the car uses Cadillac Escalade headlights, side mirrors and door handles. The tail of the car seems to use the taillights and back up lights from the Cadillac STS sedan.

Although a price tag has not been announced, each limousine is assumed to cost US $300,000. (If you have to ask, fugetaboudit!)

The Secret Service refers to the heavily armored vehicle as The Beast. Most details of the car are classified for security reasons. (You don’t want your hometown rivals in Shelbyville to know all about your wheels do you?) A special night vision system is in a secret location. Special loops replace the stock door handles; agents hold on to them when running alongside the car. Goodyear run-flat tires fit into extra-large wheel wells. The car is sealed against biochemical attacks. (insert Taco Bell joke here) Kept in the trunk is a blood bank of the President’s blood type. (or vodka)
The car can seat seven people, including the president. The front seats two, and includes a console-mounted communications center (or X-box). A glass partition divides the front from back. Three rear-facing seats are in the back, with cushions that are able to fold over the partition. The two rear seats are reserved for the president and another passenger; these seats have the ability to recline individually. A folding desk is between the two rear seats. Storage compartments in the interior panels of the car contain communications equipment which is called the Limousine Control Package and is operated by the White House Communication Agency. (Or your secretary or spouse). This is the voice and data device that links the vehicle to the WHCA Roadrunner at the rear of the motorcade allowing command and control (or “C2″) functions to be performed from the limo. The trunk lid has five antennas. (Four are for show) The car is driven by a highly trained Secret Service agent (or your brother in law) who is capable of performing a J-turn. This maneuver, taught at the Secret Service training facility outside Washington D.C., can turn the limo 180 degrees in matter of seconds to escape any trouble. The President’s lead protective agent (or your wife) usually sits in the front passenger seat.

On domestic trips, vehicles carrying the president display the American and Presidential Standard flags, which are illuminated by directional flood lights mounted on the hood. When the President performs a state visit to a foreign country, the Presidential Standard is replaced by the foreign country’s flag. (or favorite sports team pennants) The limousine is airlifted for domestic and international use primarily by a U.S. Air Force C-17 Globemaster III. (good luck with that)

The vehicle fuel efficiency is about 8 miles per US gallon (29 L/100 km; 9.6 mpg-imp). (hahahaha, like you care)

FYI. The motorcade. When the president travels out of town, his motorcade has consisted of about 45 vehicles. While the limousine itself is maintained by the Secret Service, motorcade support vehicles are maintained by the White House Military Office. You may want to check with your friends and relatives about forming a motorcade to Walmart or the monster truck rally to give you the full effect back home after purchasing The Beast!

Funny Stuff Healing with Humor Parody

We’ll Have Sequestration for Christmas this Year

SEQUESTRATION? It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like……Congress! (a Holiday Parody by Ken Rynne)

It’s beginning to look a lot like Congress / Ev’rywhere you go.
Take a look at the budget tiff / approaching the fiscal cliff /
With revenue & tax cuts all aglow.

It’s beginning to look a lot like Congress /Domestic cuts in store
But the prettiest sight to see /is the tax cut that will be /
On your own front door.

A pair of hop-along boots /& a pistol that shoots
Is the wish of Generals and friends /
Dolls that won’t talk but will go for a walk /
Is the hope of Petraes’ men /
And Grover Norquist pledges not to start that pledge again.

It’s beginning to look a lot like Congress / Ev’rywhere you go; /
The White House has got a tree / The Capitol now has three /
for Democrats Republicans, and Tea (party)

It’s beginning to look a lot like Congress/ a deal will soon be near
But the thing that will make us sing / is the silliness they’ll bring /
as they do each year!

But the thing that will make us sing / is the silliness they’ll bring /
as they do each year!

Merry Congress & Happy Sequestration Everyone from Planet Washington!

Funny Stuff Healing with Humor

Deficit Cuts: “Big Bird Don’t Cry”

The Jersey Boys’ classic adapted for today’s budget woes.

Funny Stuff Healing with Humor

“Come Fly With Me” Air Travel Has Changed. Sinatra never sang about enhanced pat downs!

That was before TSA and fees for just about everything…

Enjoy it live Saturday @ The Westin.

Funny Stuff Healing with Humor Radio

Remember Who You Are! Planet Washington explores lies, darn lies, and campaign promises in “Circle of Lies”

Hear it live, Saturday @ The Westin.
Hakuna Matata!