Author Archives: kenrynne

Nov 15 SOLD OUT! See You Next Time! : Come Laugh Between Elections & Thanksgiving – Turkeys, Hams, & Other Political Fare

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Come Laugh With Us Live!
Our Post-Election & Pre-Thanksgiving Show

Turkeys, Hams, And Other Political Fare
Sample our latest parodies along with classic offerings
Saturday November 15

Tickets in Advance 
$25

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Capitol insider Ken Rynne and his piano accompanist Frank Plumer are Planet Washington. They take you behind the scenes on Capitol Hill, The White House, The Courts, & the media. Funny & truthy! Great Music, Wicked Funny Parodies, Audience Sing-Along, Unforgettable!

“Great Show! Potent! Pithy! Funny! And you have a better piano player than I do!”
– Mark Russell

“If laughter is still the best medicine then Ken Rynne is a
one-man Mayo Clinic!”
– Mark Shields, Syndicated Columnist & PBS NewsHour

“Political comedy’s new kid on the block.”
– Rachel Ray, The Washington Diplomat

“I highly recommend Ken to brighten any meeting with laughter.”
– S. K. Finn, CEO Alzheimer’s Association® National Capital Area

For video clips, rave reviews & to book us:

www.PlanetWashington.com
when news breaks, we fix it

“Clowns to the Left of Me, Jokers to the Right: Welcome Your New Congress” Planet Washington’s Post Election Wrap Up!

SOUL 12 PICJoin us NOVEMBER 15 in WASHINGTON,DC to Bid Farewell to the Old and Welcome In the New Congress.  Ticket and new Location information to be listed here.

DECISION 2014.  Remember, you can replace defective airbags or re-elect them.  It’s your decision.

 

Heaven Knows, Any Drone Goes!

Obama
ANY DRONE GOES  (Parody of  Cole Porter’s Anything Goes)

Times have changed, And we’ve often rewound the clock,
Since the Puritans got a shock, Allegedly landing on Plymouth Rock.

If today, Pilgrim immigrants came again,
‘Stead of landing on Plymouth Rock, a Drone / might land / on them.

In olden days a search / without warrant Was something we thought abhorrent, Now RAND PAUL knows, Any Drone Goes.

Good lawyers who the 4th Amendment knew was not some legal residue
Or quaint prose, Any Drone Goes.

The world has gone mad today And good’s bad today,
And black’s white today, And day’s night today,
When most guys today That women prize today
Marry other Men You Know!

And though I’m not a litigator I know that / soon-er or later
If POTUS propose /Any Drone Goes!

Memoir-Gates!

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During 4½ years as secretary of Defense under presidents George W. Bush and Obama, Robert M. Gates was widely lauded as a shrewd national security mandarin who had seen it all, done it all and most important, could stay above it all in the partisan wars of Washington.
So the snarky put-downs and petulant asides in his impassioned, if somewhat contradictory, memoir, “Duty: Memoirs of a Secretary at War,” come as something of a surprise. Or delight.

Behind his mask of calm civility, Gates nursed grudges, tallied up slights and jotted down the caustic ripostes that he never delivered in public. The carping and zingers already have generated headlines.

Gates recounts his outrage at Obama closing an Oval Office meeting by warning “those of you writing your memoirs” that he had not made a decision. “I was offended by his suspicion that any of us would ever write about such sensitive matters,” Gates huffs in … his memoir. I LOVE THIS TOWN!

MEMOIRES  (Parody of “Mem’ries” from CATS)

Midnight, Not a sound from the white house
Has the press lost its memory?
 It is smiling alone
In the lamplight
 The book reviews collect at my feet
And Bob Woodward begins to moan

Memoirs All alone on the talk shows
I can smile at the old days
 I was beautiful then
I remember
 The time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again

Every press hit Seems to beat a fatalistic warning
Someone mutters and the white house sputters
Another news cycle dawning

Daylight
 I must wait for the sunrise
I must think of a new life
And I mustn’t give in
When the dawn comes
Tonight will be a memory too
And a new day will begin

Burnt out ends of smoky days
The stale cold smell of morning
A street lamp dies,
another night is over
Another day is dawning

Memoirs
 It’s so easy to read me
All alone with my memories
Of my days in the sun
If you buy my book
You’ll understand what happiness is
Quick – before a new memoir is begun!

West Virginia, Bottled Water, Take Me Home!

 

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West Virginia authorities are slowly lifting a five-day ban on tap water that has been in effect since a toxic chemical spill contaminated the state’s water supply last week. More than 300,000 people have not been able to drink, cook or even bathe with tap water.
The crisis began when 7,500 gallons of the chemical 4-methyl-cyclo-hexane methanol leaked from a storage tank at Freedom Industries, located on the Elk River just north of the capital Charleston and the region’s water supply treatment facility. Citizens first noticed something was wrong when the water started to smell like licorice.

Bottled Water
(Parody of Country Roads, by John Denver)

Almost heaven, West Virginia
Blue Ridge Mountains, Shenandoah River
Life is old there, older than the trees
JUST DON’T DRINK THE WATER OR YOU MIGHT GET SOME DISEASE

Chorus:
Country roads, take me home
To the place I belong
West Virginia, BOTTLED WATER
Take me home, country roads

All my memories, gathered ’round her
Miners’ Lady, stranger to blue water
Dark and dusty, painted on the sky
Misty taste of licorice, in Charleston’s water supply

Chorus

I hear her voice, in the morning hour she calls me
The radio reminds me to bring drinks from far away
And drivin’ down the road I get the feeling
That I should have not drunk water yesterday, yesterday

Sochi 2014 Olympics: Putin on the Ritz

The Olympics and Russia have had a difficult time over the years. In 1980, Moscow hosted the Summer Olympics only to have the US Boycott them because of the then-Soviet invasion of Afghanistan. Now that the US has concluded ITS invasion of Afghanistan, all is forgiven apparently as Russia (formerly Soviet Union) hosts the 2014 winter Olympics in Sochi. Where’s Sochi you ask? Don’t ask!

Sochi is a remote town in the Caucuses (where Caucasians come from) on the Black Sea. There’s lots to see and do besides freeze and drink vodka. In addition to new billion-dollar Olympic venues, it boasts an anciet cemetary AND Anton Checkov’s cottage!

But it wouldn’t be the Olympics (or Russia) without drama — Homosexual propaganda is outlawed in Russia. (This does NOT include President Putin’s frequent homoerotic shirtless appearances hunting, fishing, riding, and posing.)

Therefore, our natural tribute to Putin’s straight olympics is “Putin on the Ritz.” Written for the 1930 musical film of the same name, in which it was introduced by Harry Richman, it was originally about poor blacks in Harlem who “put on the Ritz”, or pretended to be affluent–a reference to the Ritz Hotel. When Fred Astaire sang it six years later, Berlin had changed the lyrics to pertain to affluent whites. It was featured to great comedic effect in Mel Brooks’ 1974 picture Young Frankenstein. And now, Vlad the Impaler.

Putin on the Ritz

If you ski, or skate or curl, or play hock-ey
Come to Sochi, and wear your mitts
Putin on the Ritz

Russian athletes are the best,
we’ll beat the homos from the West, all misfits
Putin on the Ritz

That’s where each and every commisar goes
Op’ning ceremony in their fur clothes
Rubbin’ elbows

Come let’s mix, where KGB agents walk with sticks
And AK’s in their mitts
Putin on the Ritz

If you’re blue, and you don’t know where to go to
(Y-M-C-A– is NOT an option)
Just go where Edward Snowden sits
Putin on the Ritz

Op’ning show will Putin buy it?
Chekov sung by Pussy Riot, all misfits
Putin on the Ritz

There’s a special place where pro-tes-ters go
Called Siberia – I hope they like snow, Frozen’ elbows

Come let’s mix, where cossacks do walk with sticks
And AK’s in their mitts
Putin on the Ritz! Putin on the Ritz! Putin on the Ritz!

—————
In Russia is 2 part system comrades –
Putin party and Going-away party!
———————

Planet Washington Home Version For Snowbound!

There’s One-Stop Shopping — with a Smily Face.
Sam Walton started a variety store in 1945 with $5,000 savings and a $20,000 loan from his father in law. His children are now among the richest Americans listed each year by Forbes. Wal Mart stores stock everything, are everywhere, and are open 24/7. As the largest US private sector employer, a major buyer of everything, & major competitor, they are not without controversy. But one thing is for certain, all around Tom Friedman’s Flat World, American capitalism now has a little yellow smiley face on it.

United States of Wal-Mart
Parody of Under the Boardwalk by Ken Rynne
© 2005 Brighton Productions

When I need a shovel or a brand new suit of clothes,
There is one-stop shopping in a place that everybody knows.
I shop at Wal-mart, to buy my teddys, tools, or tires.
At the snack bar with my baby that’s where I’ll be.
I go to Wal-Mart, for shoes and socks,
I go to Wal-mart, for watches and clocks,
I go to Wal-mart, for crackers and cheese,
I go to Wal-Mart, for my BVDs,
I go to Wal-Mart, Wal-Mart.

When the plant shut down, they moved production overseas,
I got a job in sales, I sell imported clothes and cheap TVs.
I work at Wal-Mart, where I sell cameras and DVDs,
If it ain’t made in China well that’s news to me.
I go to Wal-Mart, to buy a phone,
I go to Wal-Mart, for a sub-prime loan,
I go to Wal-Mart, for a new backpack,
I go to Wal-Mart, for my Prozac,
I go to Wal-Mart, Wal-Mart.

When I fell behind they took my credit cards and house away,
I searched in vain for a decent place for me my dog and wife to stay.
Now I live at Wal-Mart, between the housewares and sporting goods,
Cookin’ breakfast on the Coleman, is where I’ll be.
I live at Wal-Mart, seven twenty-four,
I live at Wal-Mart, park right by the door,
I live at Wal-Mart, got a photo place,
I live at Wal-Mart, I wear a smiley face,
I live at Wal-Mart, Wal-mart!

www.PlanetWashington.com
when news breaks, we fix it

Ken Rynne’s New Jeers for the New Year — January 18 — at a new location! The Beacon Hotel!


Catch the Laughs Saturday Night!
SATURDAY JANUARY 18, 7:30 PM

Gut-Busting, Politician-Skewering
Ken Rynne’s PLANET WASHINGTON
At a NEW Boutique Location
The Beacon Hotel, 1615 Rhode Island Ave
Washington, DC 20036

Don’t miss a unique evening of hilarious musical social satire & riotous political spoofs, performed by former Hill Staffer and Capitol Step the irreverent Ken Rynne and dynamic keyboard sidekick Frank Plumer.

Cabaret Setting – Drink & Eat, Laugh & Repeat!
SATURDAY JANUARY 18, 7:30 PM $20
Tickets: www.Eventbrite.com

“If laughter is still the best medicine, Ken Rynne is a one-man Mayo Clinic.” – PBS NewsHour’s MARK SHIELDS

“Funny! Pithy! And you have a better piano player than I do.” – MARK RUSSELL

Political Satire in the Tradition of Mark Russell, The Capitol Steps, & Ben Bernanke

AS SEEN ON LINE @ POLITICO.COM / VIDEO

Saturday, November 2, 7:30 PM, The Westin, 1400 M Street NW DC. 20004 $20.  Tickets in advance: www.Goldstar.com (GOLDSTAR SOLD OUT) OR www.Paypal.com  (Pay Paypal account of kenrynne@aol.com) (STILL AVAILABLE).

Or call 202 360 5056.

THIS MAY BE OUR LAST SHOW FOR SEVERAL MONTHS – THE WESTIN IS RENOVATING.

Irreverent Capitol staffer and former Capitol Step KEN RYNNE with accompanist and sidekick Frank Plumer spoof Washington, Walmart, & whatever’s news in 90 hilarious minutes of laughs and music!  When news breaks, we fix it!

“If laughter is still the best medicine, Ken Rynne is a one-man Mayo Clinic.” – PBS NewsHour’s MARK SHIELDS * * * “Funny! Pithy! And you have a better piano player than I do.” – MARK RUSSELL * * * “Still as funny as he was growing up in Boston – wicked funny!” – BOB MADIGAN, WTOP

Strange Bedfellows (a 100% Weiner-free story)

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At a time when GOP presidential hopefuls attack each other publicly, House Dems wait and see as mid-term elections approach, and Senators filibuster changes to the filibuster, in the New Republic great praise is lavished upon President Obama by none other than Sen. John McCain (R-AZ), the GOP nominee who battled Obama in his first presidential campaign in 2008. The old saw “politics makes strange bed fellows” is truer now than ever – and it has nothing to do with DOMA, Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, or candidates for office in New York State.

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