I'm Shocked! Shocked to Find Gambling Going On Here!

This just in from a friend at the National Press Club —

 

BREAKING NEWS: DC Drinks! (Washington, DC)  A new report says adults in Washington, D.C. abuse alcohol more than anyone else in the country.  According to a new study by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), 8.1 percent of adults age 26 or older in D.C. are ‘alcohol dependent.’  Looking at a long-term sampling, alcohol abuse rate is on the rise for the District, according to the survey.

 

 

 

 

 

Planet Washington — When news breaks, we fix it

 

For the gang at The Reliable Source (that’s the bar at the National Press Club)

DC-ritaville @ The Reliable Source Margaritaville Parody by Ken Rynne

Nibblin on nachos/ Waitin for tacos/ Now my damn shirt is covered with oil/

Just met my deadline/Tequila would be fine / Summer’s so hot I’m startin to boil.

Wastin away again in DC-ritaville / Tryin to get stoned without an assault

Some people claim that it’s OBAMA to blame / But I know it’s nobodys fault

I don’t know the reason / The NATS lost last season

Nothin to show but this brand new tattoo/ But it’s a real beauty

A WEINER-TWEET cutie / How it got here I haven’t a clue

Wastin away again in DC-ritaville / Tryin to get stoned without an assault

Some people claim that it’s BOEHNER to blame / But I know it’s nobodys fault

I blew out my SHARPIE/ Got Crap from some Harpie

Cut my heel had to cruise on back home

But there’s booze in the blender / And soon it will render

That frozen concoction that helps me hang on

Wastin away again in DC-ritaville / Tryin to get stoned without an assault

Some people claim that it’s McCONNELL to blame / But I know it’s nobodys fault

Yes and some people claim that it is CANTOR to blame

But I know — it’s NORQUIST’S fault

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when news breaks, we fix it

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