No Soda Left Behind: Pepsi, Dr. Pepper, & Coke

You know something’s up when Pepsi, Dr. Pepper, and Coke produce an ad together showing their delivery people – REMOVING their products from a school building!  EXCUSE ME?!?  Yes, the BIG 3 agree that the nutritional needs of our allegedly obese studentry require cooperation with the competition and joint removal of the offending sodium-rich sodas.

Fear not stockholders!  The same BIG 3 are refilling the school vending machines with their designer WATER with names like Dasani (Coke) and Aquafina (Pepsi) – for the SAME LOW PRICE.  Making more on WATER than on flavored, sodiumed, caffeinated, WATER (i.e., soda, tonic, pop).  I am showing my age here by suggesting that water fountains and garden hoses used to well, never mind.

Concerned citizens and nutritionists led by First Lady Michelle and First Corporation Oprah will have more to say about school lunches, but for now, PLANET WASHINGTON markS the end of sodas in the schools with : “Pepsi, Dr. Pepper, & Coke,” a parody of Simon & Garfunkle’s classic “Parsley, Sage, Rosemary & Thyme.”


Are you going to lunch at your school?

Pepsi, Dr. Pepper, & Coke

are outlawed from

your vending machines

where there once was a soft drink of mine.

“The pause that refreshes” must not have caffeine,

Aquafina, Desani 0r milk

Don’t ask what they’re smoking behind the gym

Just don’t drink Coke or things of that ilk.

Michelle and Oprah say our kids are obese,

Burger King and McDonalds don’t rhyme

Ex-perts have approved a new student diet

(pause – can you  guess what it is?)


Just Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme.

i need a drink

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