Monthly Archives: May 2010

Parodies

Memorial Day: Honor the Dead, America's "Unfinished Work"

 

Memorial Day is a Federal holiday in America.  Federal employees do not work.  [Here, professional and amateur satirists might add , “as usual” or “that’s an improvement.”]  Banks, large businesses, schools, and other institutions follow suit by law, by custom, or by negotiated contract.  On this day we do not work.  We remember.  And we also enjoy the early summer weather, we eat outdoors, play softball, listen to patriotic band music, and take advantage of Memorial Day sales.  We multitask. 

Before it was a Federal holiday, Memorial Day was Decoration Day when the survivors of the Civil War, South and North, the women folk mainly, adorned with flowers the graves of the many dead from nearly every family in what is still amazingly America’s bloodiest war.  No bands or barbeques.  Alas, no sales. Just a simple flower and maybe a prayer or “I love you,” at each man’s grave.

Memorial Day grew in purpose after World War I and World War II to remember the dead from those conflicts.  After the states recognized the holiday It became an official Federal holiday on the last Monday in May (passed by Congress with the National Holiday Act of 1971 (P.L. 90 – 363) to ensure a three day weekend, known to gasoline refiners as the start of the summer driving season.

Remember 9/17.  Near Washington, DC is the Antietam Battlefield in Sharpsburg, MD.  The bloodiest one-day battle in American history was waged in the cornfields of the Maryland countryside in 1862.  Today, DC residents speed through this same countryside on their way to ocean relief from the summer heat.  148 years ago 23,000 men lost their lives here.  Can you grasp it?  23,000?  Over seven times the loss of life on 9/11/2001 which we remember still.   Seven times that lost on 9/17/62.  Brother killing brother.

They lost their lives.  Gave heir lives.  Died that day.  

For the Union. For the cause.  For freedom.  For duty.  For their comrades.  

We should remember 9/11 and  9/17.   How can we today honor that kind of  sacrifice?   

A better man than I asked that same question – and answered it years ago.   I considered editing it down to 140 characters for my fellow tweeters but the original is very brief and powerful.  Extremely brief and mercifully to the point for the little I have read from the 19th century writing.  

Four months after the decisive battle of the Civil War took place on the same ground in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania,  President Abraham Lincoln dedicated a cemetery where  7,500 were buried.  They were among the 172,000 men  fought from July 1-July 3, 1863.  The next day, American Independence Day, the battle and our bloody Civil War was all but over.   Lincoln remembered their sacrifice – and he urged his listeners then – and I submit, now – to do more than that.

We have all heard his words since grade school.  But just for today,  in the privacy of your own home, or at the beach, or at the mall, try something different.  Take 3 minutes and read it.  In the time it takes the microwave to heat my morning coffee – read it s-l-o-w-l-y.  Feel what the author did 14 months after 9/17. Only 4 months after the awesome Battle of Gettysburg.  To those few who glibly  use the word “secession” today for political gain,  for shock value, or for air time,  hold your tongues today.  

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.  Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure.

We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this. But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate — we can not consecrate — we can not hallow — this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here.

It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us — that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion — that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain — that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom — and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.

President Abraham Lincoln 

Soldiers’ National Cemetery Dedication

Gettysburg, Pennsylvania

November 19, 1863

Our form of government is still “new”  in the long view of history.  An experiment.  From the start it did not eliminate “factions” but set them loose on each other.   Free opposition and free participation.  Here you can oppose the people across the street and the people in power.  But they can oppose you. Democracy takes tolerance.  Participation means more than voting – although half of us do not do even that.  Get involved in what Lincoln called “the unfinished work.”   That may mean sacrifice on our part.  Click off  “Dancing with the Stars” once a month and go to a town hall meeting.    If that sacrifice seems too much, there is a field in Maryland you might remember on 9/17.

Think Piece

Memorial Day: Honor the Dead, America’s “Unfinished Work”

 

Memorial Day is a Federal holiday in America.  Federal employees do not work.  [Here, professional and amateur satirists might add , “as usual” or “that’s an improvement.”]  Banks, large businesses, schools, and other institutions follow suit by law, by custom, or by negotiated contract.  On this day we do not work.  We remember.  And we also enjoy the early summer weather, we eat outdoors, play softball, listen to patriotic band music, and take advantage of Memorial Day sales.  We multitask. 

Before it was a Federal holiday, Memorial Day was Decoration Day when the survivors of the Civil War, South and North, the women folk mainly, adorned with flowers the graves of the many dead from nearly every family in what is still amazingly America’s bloodiest war.  No bands or barbeques.  Alas, no sales. Just a simple flower and maybe a prayer or “I love you,” at each man’s grave.

Memorial Day grew in purpose after World War I and World War II to remember the dead from those conflicts.  After the states recognized the holiday It became an official Federal holiday on the last Monday in May (passed by Congress with the National Holiday Act of 1971 (P.L. 90 – 363) to ensure a three day weekend, known to gasoline refiners as the start of the summer driving season.

Remember 9/17.  Near Washington, DC is the Antietam Battlefield in Sharpsburg, MD.  The bloodiest one-day battle in American history was waged in the cornfields of the Maryland countryside in 1862.  Today, DC residents speed through this same countryside on their way to ocean relief from the summer heat.  148 years ago 23,000 men lost their lives here.  Can you grasp it?  23,000?  Over seven times the loss of life on 9/11/2001 which we remember still.   Seven times that lost on 9/17/62.  Brother killing brother.

They lost their lives.  Gave heir lives.  Died that day.  

For the Union. For the cause.  For freedom.  For duty.  For their comrades.  

We should remember 9/11 and  9/17.   How can we today honor that kind of  sacrifice?   

A better man than I asked that same question – and answered it years ago.   I considered editing it down to 140 characters for my fellow tweeters but the original is very brief and powerful.  Extremely brief and mercifully to the point for the little I have read from the 19th century writing.  

Four months after the decisive battle of the Civil War took place on the same ground in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania,  President Abraham Lincoln dedicated a cemetery where  7,500 were buried.  They were among the 172,000 men  fought from July 1-July 3, 1863.  The next day, American Independence Day, the battle and our bloody Civil War was all but over.   Lincoln remembered their sacrifice – and he urged his listeners then – and I submit, now – to do more than that.

We have all heard his words since grade school.  But just for today,  in the privacy of your own home, or at the beach, or at the mall, try something different.  Take 3 minutes and read it.  In the time it takes the microwave to heat my morning coffee – read it s-l-o-w-l-y.  Feel what the author did 14 months after 9/17. Only 4 months after the awesome Battle of Gettysburg.  To those few who glibly  use the word “secession” today for political gain,  for shock value, or for air time,  hold your tongues today.  

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.  Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure.

We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this. But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate — we can not consecrate — we can not hallow — this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here.

It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us — that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion — that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain — that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom — and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.

President Abraham Lincoln 

Soldiers’ National Cemetery Dedication

Gettysburg, Pennsylvania

November 19, 1863

Our form of government is still “new”  in the long view of history.  An experiment.  From the start it did not eliminate “factions” but set them loose on each other.   Free opposition and free participation.  Here you can oppose the people across the street and the people in power.  But they can oppose you. Democracy takes tolerance.  Participation means more than voting – although half of us do not do even that.  Get involved in what Lincoln called “the unfinished work.”   That may mean sacrifice on our part.  Click off  “Dancing with the Stars” once a month and go to a town hall meeting.    If that sacrifice seems too much, there is a field in Maryland you might remember on 9/17.

Parodies Radio Rave Reviews

WEBR Radio Interview Link: Laugh with Red Zone Politics 5/5/10

NOW POSTED to www.redzonepolitics.comLAUGH with RZP!

May 5, 2010: Your most entertaining show yet, with comedian, politico, “recovering” lawyer

Ken Rynne of PLANET WASHINGTON!

www.planetwashington.com

(In advance of his live show at McGinty’s Public House in Arlington, VA!)

www.mcgintyspublichouse.com


News Topix:

  • Underdog Canadiens advance over Caps in Stanley Cup Playoffs
  • Boxing, national and local
  • Men, women and campus violence: What Americans need to think about in aftermath of UVA lacrosse player’s death
  • SPILL, BABY, SPILL: BP Inferno!
  • Immigration Politics: Shared responsibility?
  • Let’s hear it for the MESSENGER: T-shirt selling Vietnam Vet alerts NYC police to Times Square truck-bomb in embryo

Feel free to send comments to info@redzonepolitics.com. I will try to address some of your feedback on next week’s show. *If you are interested in being a guest, let me know via email. Or invite others you think would be a good fit for the show to contact me!

Parodies Radio Rave Reviews

WEBR Radio Interview: Red Zone Politics, Who's Your Daddy? 5/26/10

The LAST RZP radio show for the summer is now posted at www.redzonepolitics.com.
He’s Baaack! That’s former politico turned political comedian, fountain of knowledge and irreverence himself: KEN RYNNE of Planet Washington!
In our May 26 segment, host A.F. Cook and Rynne ponder the following burning issues du jour:
- Which former sports/political figure was “one fry short of a Happy Meal?”
- Who is Sarah Palin counseling to “go rogue” now?
- How many questions can YOU answer on the Arizona Immigration Quiz?
- Who is BIG OIL’s Daddy?
- Where will Super Bowl 2014 be held and why does it matter if you’re – for example – a Carolina Panther?
- What is Venus wearing now, and why is she wearing it in FRANCE?
STAY TUNED FOR the Red Zone Politics Cable TV Special (four segments) coming Summer and Fall 2010: Airing TBA by Fairfax Public Access Cable! Our first big topic with PLANET WASHINGTON’S Ken Rynne: : How to spot political rhetoric and know what the agenda is behind it!
Parodies

No Soda Left Behind: Pepsi, Dr. Pepper, & Coke

You know something’s up when Pepsi, Dr. Pepper, and Coke produce an ad together showing their delivery people – REMOVING their products from a school building!  EXCUSE ME?!?  Yes, the BIG 3 agree that the nutritional needs of our allegedly obese studentry require cooperation with the competition and joint removal of the offending sodium-rich sodas.

Fear not stockholders!  The same BIG 3 are refilling the school vending machines with their designer WATER with names like Dasani (Coke) and Aquafina (Pepsi) – for the SAME LOW PRICE.  Making more on WATER than on flavored, sodiumed, caffeinated, WATER (i.e., soda, tonic, pop).  I am showing my age here by suggesting that water fountains and garden hoses used to well, never mind.

Concerned citizens and nutritionists led by First Lady Michelle and First Corporation Oprah will have more to say about school lunches, but for now, PLANET WASHINGTON markS the end of sodas in the schools with : “Pepsi, Dr. Pepper, & Coke,” a parody of Simon & Garfunkle’s classic “Parsley, Sage, Rosemary & Thyme.”


Are you going to lunch at your school?

Pepsi, Dr. Pepper, & Coke

are outlawed from

your vending machines

where there once was a soft drink of mine.

“The pause that refreshes” must not have caffeine,

Aquafina, Desani 0r milk

Don’t ask what they’re smoking behind the gym

Just don’t drink Coke or things of that ilk.

Michelle and Oprah say our kids are obese,

Burger King and McDonalds don’t rhyme

Ex-perts have approved a new student diet

(pause – can you  guess what it is?)


Just Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme.

i need a drink

Funny Stuff Parody

No Soda Left Behind: Pepsi, Dr. Pepper, & Coke

You know something’s up when Pepsi, Dr. Pepper, and Coke produce an ad together showing their delivery people – REMOVING their products from a school building!  EXCUSE ME?!?  Yes, the BIG 3 agree that the nutritional needs of our allegedly obese studentry require cooperation with the competition and joint removal of the offending sodium-rich sodas.

Fear not stockholders!  The same BIG 3 are refilling the school vending machines with their designer WATER with names like Dasani (Coke) and Aquafina (Pepsi) – for the SAME LOW PRICE.  Making more on WATER than on flavored, sodiumed, caffeinated, WATER (i.e., soda, tonic, pop).  I am showing my age here by suggesting that water fountains and garden hoses used to well, never mind.

Concerned citizens and nutritionists led by First Lady Michelle and First Corporation Oprah will have more to say about school lunches, but for now, PLANET WASHINGTON markS the end of sodas in the schools with : “Pepsi, Dr. Pepper, & Coke,” a parody of Simon & Garfunkle’s classic “Parsley, Sage, Rosemary & Thyme.”


Are you going to lunch at your school?

Pepsi, Dr. Pepper, & Coke

are outlawed from

your vending machines

where there once was a soft drink of mine.

“The pause that refreshes” must not have caffeine,

Aquafina, Desani 0r milk

Don’t ask what they’re smoking behind the gym

Just don’t drink Coke or things of that ilk.

Michelle and Oprah say our kids are obese,

Burger King and McDonalds don’t rhyme

Ex-perts have approved a new student diet

(pause – can you  guess what it is?)


Just Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme.

i need a drink

Appearances

The National Archives Experience

OVERHEARD one parent’s explanation of the impressive classical building with 32′ bronze doors 11 inches thick housing our most sacred writings THE ARCHIVES OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA in the center of the Capital City.  “Remember the movie where the guy steals the old parchment to find clues to the treasure…?”     Poor Jefferson.  Author of “the old parchment with the clues on the back also known as THE FRICKIN DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE!!!”  A supporting role to Nicolas Cage.

AND OVER THERE is where Robert Redford met with Deep Throat (Hal Holbrook)…

Parodies

Don't Mess With Texas (Textbooks)

The News:  Austin (May 21) -- The Texas State Board of Education adopted a new social studies and history curriculum that amends or waters down the teaching of the civil rights movement, slavery, and America’s relationship with the U.N. among other subjects.  For the next 10 years textbook publishers will develop materials for other states based on those approved in Texas for the next decade.  The final vote was 9-5 on each set of standards.  Educators have blasted the proposed curriculum for politicizing education. Other educators replied, “where YOU been Bubba?”

Our Fix: “There’s a School Board Down in Texas,” OR, “The Texts of Texas Are Upon You”  Parody of Yellow Rose of Texas”

THERE’S A SCHOOL BOARD DOWN IN TEXAS

THAT KEEPS HIS-TO-RY  ALIVE

IF THEY DON’T LIKE HOW ITS WRITTEN,

THEY VOTE TO CHANGE IT (9 TO 5).

OF CIVIL RIGHTS AND SLAV’RY

THEY’VE AMENDED IT TO PLEASE.

AND  STUDENTS  LEARN THE UN’s

BAD FOR TEXAS  SOVREIGNTY

(SO IS WASHINGTON)

FOR THE NEXT TEN YEARS IN TEXAS

KIDS WILL LEARN / JUST WHAT THEY SEE

LIKE WE ARE A REPUBLIC ,

DON’T SAY THE D-WORD “DEMOCRACY’

THEY’LL READ OF LIBERTY AND FREEDOM

BOTH AMENDED TOO OF LATE

NOW THE FOUNDERS WERE APOSTLES

NO SEPARATIN’ CHURCH AND STATE

THE SCHOOL BOARD POINTS OUT IN TEXAS

LIB’RALS USED TO HAVE THEIR WAY

LIB’RALS PUSHED FOR EVOLUTION

SAID SAM HOUSTON MIGHT BE GAY

IF YOU THINK THE  TEXAS HIST’RY BOOKS

ARE POLITICIZED OR SKEWED

JUST WAIT TIL THESE KIDS VOTE

THEN WE ALL REALLY WILL BE SCREWED!!!

(The  TEXTS  of  TEXAS are upon you!)

JUST WAIT TIL THESE KIDS VOTE

THEN WE ALL REALLY WILL BE SCREWED!!!

Funny Stuff Parody

Don’t Mess With Texas (Textbooks)

The News:  Austin (May 21) -- The Texas State Board of Education adopted a new social studies and history curriculum that amends or waters down the teaching of the civil rights movement, slavery, and America’s relationship with the U.N. among other subjects.  For the next 10 years textbook publishers will develop materials for other states based on those approved in Texas for the next decade.  The final vote was 9-5 on each set of standards.  Educators have blasted the proposed curriculum for politicizing education. Other educators replied, “where YOU been Bubba?”

Our Fix: “There’s a School Board Down in Texas,” OR, “The Texts of Texas Are Upon You”  Parody of Yellow Rose of Texas”

THERE’S A SCHOOL BOARD DOWN IN TEXAS

THAT KEEPS HIS-TO-RY  ALIVE

IF THEY DON’T LIKE HOW ITS WRITTEN,

THEY VOTE TO CHANGE IT (9 TO 5).

OF CIVIL RIGHTS AND SLAV’RY

THEY’VE AMENDED IT TO PLEASE.

AND  STUDENTS  LEARN THE UN’s

BAD FOR TEXAS  SOVREIGNTY

(SO IS WASHINGTON)

FOR THE NEXT TEN YEARS IN TEXAS

KIDS WILL LEARN / JUST WHAT THEY SEE

LIKE WE ARE A REPUBLIC ,

DON’T SAY THE D-WORD “DEMOCRACY’

THEY’LL READ OF LIBERTY AND FREEDOM

BOTH AMENDED TOO OF LATE

NOW THE FOUNDERS WERE APOSTLES

NO SEPARATIN’ CHURCH AND STATE

THE SCHOOL BOARD POINTS OUT IN TEXAS

LIB’RALS USED TO HAVE THEIR WAY

LIB’RALS PUSHED FOR EVOLUTION

SAID SAM HOUSTON MIGHT BE GAY

IF YOU THINK THE  TEXAS HIST’RY BOOKS

ARE POLITICIZED OR SKEWED

JUST WAIT TIL THESE KIDS VOTE

THEN WE ALL REALLY WILL BE SCREWED!!!

(The  TEXTS  of  TEXAS are upon you!)

JUST WAIT TIL THESE KIDS VOTE

THEN WE ALL REALLY WILL BE SCREWED!!!

Parodies

Arizona: Borderline

NEWS ITEM: The State of Arizona has declared its southern border with Mexico is closed.

If the Feds won’t do it, Arizona sure will.

We have obtained an Arizona County Sheriffs spot “citizenship quiz” – sure to identify real Americans:

1. We all know Senator John McCain.  Who is Arizona’s OTHER Senator?

2. How many homes does John McCain own?  6   5  10

3. John McCain is a Maverick.  True or False.

Arizonans may know what they’re doing.

If the Navajo had stepped up THEIR homeland security –

  • they would still own Phoenix
  • and John McCain would be a pit boss at the Lucky Gringo Casino!

When news breaks – we fix it!  Our fix:

ARIZONA (PARODY OF Oklahoma!)

Lyrics by OSCAR HAMMERSTEIN II
Music by RICHARD RODGERS Parody by KEN RYNNE

ARIZONA, WHERE YOUR LIFE CAN BE A LIVING HELL

IF YOUR NAME’S JOSE, AND BY THE WAY

THEY ARE CLOSING EV’RY TACO BELL!!!

ARIZONA, YOUR APPEARANCE COULD MAKE YOU PRISON BOUND

IF YOU’RE IN A CAR, YOU WON’T GO FAR

IF THEY STOP YOU “DRIVING WHI-LE  BROWN!!!”

SAY A-DIOS, TO LIBERTY

THEY CAN STOP YOU LIKE THEY DID IN GERMANY

(PAPERS PLEASE!)

THE BILL OF RIGHTS ——HEY – FORGET IT

WELL THEY MIGHT ——–HEY – JUST SHRED IT

SAYIN YOU’RE DOIN FINE ARIZONA

YOU’RE A PUNCH LINE ON LATE NIGHT TV!!!

ARIZONA UBER ALLES!!!